First of all, Oh My God, Fuck You.
Sorry about that- I’m so premenstrual right now my eyes are about liquify and ooze out onto my feet and my body is threatening to implode down into a speck of terror. In any event, we’ve been cooped up in the house for the past 3 straight days because Fen has been feverish and delirious. The leeches did nothing to make her better so I filled her up with ice cream and let her sweat it out in her sick bed.
She’s exactly just passed the threshold of when sick, sleeping kid turns into bored, high-maintenance kid. I couldn’t take it any more and dragged Beckett out to Target to walk around and touch everything for an hour. Yes. An hour. I only let myself lick one thing, but we had a competition to see who could knock the most cans off the shelves before we had to bolt.
I realized the extent of my antsy desperation when I broke my most important rule and stopped to talk to that woman you know is really lonely and stares you down hoping you’ll make eye contact so she can start a conversation. I did, and then she did. I chatted her up with gusto and then moved on to the Starbucks barista who likely assumed I was at Target to pick up my lapsed meds.
I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw a neighbor and her mother and treated them to a 5 minute monologue with me punctuating most of my sentences with raucous, terrifying laughs. I did not begrudge them clutching each other as they backed away slowly.
The gods were surely smiling upon me when I turned around and almost smacked right into my Target BFF who works there and knows Beckett and me because I drag him in there 2 to 3 times a week. She HAD to pretend to be polite because she’s an employee and DOYOUKNOWHOWMUCHISPENDHERE? It’s so much fun when adults ask your 5 year old questions and you get to answer them all.
I practically floated down the aisles after that, chirping hello at all the worker bees and stuffing merchandise in my pockets for some more attention. It worked! What a nice young man that undercover security guard was and I was rewarded with another half hour of someone to chat toward. Nice young man. I hope he wasn’t offended by that pat on the bottom.
Anyhoo diary, you’ve been a real sport, and I’m so grateful for your non-judgmental pages. I’m sorry I snapped at you at the beginning of this entry, it’s just that I’m under so much pressure right now to be the perfect wife and mother. My family is unrelenting. Okay, gotta go take a nap. TTYL!