I have a passion for SPAM. Not the ‘meat’. The brilliantly-crafted poetry that lands in my junk folder once a minute from people all over the world. I feel a warm kinship toward these people and feel that by reading each and every spam email I get, I am helping to create a world of acceptance and encouragement.

My Name is Ese Ogidi financial adviser to James Ibori former Governor to Delta State in Nigeria. I want to use this medium to seek for an assistance of a foreign partner and account where we can deposit funds that is currently in Europe so as to avoid any eyebrow to know where this is deposited as advised by the financial firm in charge of the deposit.

Do you see how much you can learn from just one paragraph? Apparently in Nigeria eyebrows are sentient beings, and not to be trusted.

There is absolutely going to be a great doubt and distrust in your heart in respect of this email, coupled with the fact that, so many individuals have taken possession of the Internet to facilitate their nefarious deeds, thereby making it extremely difficult for genuine and legitimate business class persons to get attention and recognition.

What I love about this one is that he takes great pains to put me at ease and side with me against those who are facilitating their nefarious deeds. I really appreciate this gesture and wired him $10,000 based on this thoughtfulness.

The thing about spam that really blows my mind, though, is how do so many people know I am wanting a steel-like boner? I’ll never get over how well they are attuned to my needs.

So I was thinking, after the 6th straight hour of reading through my spam messages, that we have a lot to learn from these fellows. It’s their unwavering drive to provide us with products that we obviously need, and their tenacious attempts to connect us with millions of dollars from somewhere unclear, but nevertheless legit.

Today I am grateful for spammers.

Here is a Thanksgiving day post for you in pictures. See if you can guess what is going down.

 

Can you tell? Can you tell? Can you tell?

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, and I am grateful for each and every person who reads my blog. I am humbled that you find me even the least bit read-worthy. XO Enjoy your day!

Since some of you reading this post might celebrate some sort of holiday soon where you’ll want to give gifts to recipients, and since I happen to have access to an exclusive online marketplace, I have made a list for you. A list, if you will, of must-have gifts for all the A-listers in your life.

Canon 4624A002 Is All Weather Binoculars 

These are the ONLY binoculars I will use to spy on my neighbors. Why? Just because I like getting out in the cold arctic winter when folks are inside sipping their Hot Toddies around a warm crackling fire. I like to pretend I’m a lost little waif, full of amnesia and I’m staring in, dreaming of what it would be like if they were my family.  $1,399.95

 

 

Generac Commercial Series Liquid-Cooled Standby Generator

This is simply my favorite generator, and one that everyone needs. It’s seriously the web’s best-kept secret, so there you go, and you are so welcome. Generate the fuck out of things when you lose your electricity for an hour during the next thunder storm. $28,938.00

 

OMG! I love this $26,000 lens. It is so perfect for my blogging career, but better yet, it takes pretty snapshots of your kids and dog. You don’t even need the camera body- the lens is magical.

 

You really haven’t lived until you’ve experienced the awe-inspiring power of the Datastroyer Model 1000 Disintegrator. This was love at first site for me, and at $131,000, it’s a damn freaking steal.

 

 

Squeeeeee! I love me some 120293-0001REVK’s. Don’t know what it is. Don’t care. You just need to know that you would make some special someone pretty happy if you gave them some of these bad boys. $10,000,000.00. There’s only 1 left at this price, so hurry, for god sake.

 

 

Such maginificence here with the:

Buben & Zorweg Ellipse Grand Revers Extreme 18k Gold Double Tourbillon Fine Timepiece

Isn’t it such a fine timepiece? Trust me, you will have your mom’s undying love when you lay this one on her. $589,999.00.

 

You can’t buy Ma that “timepiece” without matching the love with Pop’s present. This big old nasty watch will do just that. Booyah. If you’re too much of a cheapskate for this one, here’s an alternative  for only $27,000. It’s a freaking savings of $9,000.

 

 

Holy awesome. Do you see the ping on that bottle? It’s practically beaming to outer space. My husband bathes in this man perfume every day, and we all know how hot it is when men give off a perfumey stank.

Look at what I did to make this photo look even more dreamy. I know how to sell the dream, do I not? It’s from all my years working with photographers. I know what works.

 

Dude. If all else fails to impress, you can’t go wrong with bleachers. Have them delivered to anyone’s back yard and pat yourself on the back.

Oh, I do hope you’ve enjoyed my roundup of to-die-for presents. I’ve worked hard at sourcing these and I have fabulous taste, so you really can’t go wrong. Now, did you notice something strangely similar about all of these links? That’s right, they all go to Amazon and are affiliate links. (Uh-fill-eeeee-ut.) Very good, now click away and order your bleachers.