My Son Has a Pea Head

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The moment you become a parent, you learn that it is a contest. No, scratch that. The contest begins when you are pregnant, so by the time you actually have the kid you should be pretty comfortable with competitive comparisons.

One of the worst is when you go for your baby’s well visits and the doctor gives you a print out showing how your child ranks according to head circumference, height and weight. I didn’t think much of this with my first kid, since she was consistently up in the 75th-90th% for everything, but my boy is a tiny dancer.

Yesterday was the 2 year old well visit, and he’s actually made it up to the 31st% for head circumference, and 39th% for height, but his weight is at the 7th. Poor little malnourished urchin.

The worst part, is that each time the doctor reads me his numbers, she’s like, “Oh, it’s okay! He’s just slender. You and your husband are slender, too. You’re a slender family!” Like she’s trying to make me feel better for something I really didn’t express any concern over.

I feel that this drawing accurately portrays how my child stacks up against the ideal American 2 year old:

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10 Comments

  1. 08/24/2011 / 10:23 am

    Whoever came up with all of that stuff anyway? I guess there's a point to it, but it eludes me! Moose wears Huggies too.

  2. 08/26/2011 / 10:08 am

    this is all the stuff I fear about having a child. I think we would be just fine if everyone else would shut their traps.

  3. Bre
    04/18/2012 / 3:49 pm

    I'm new to your blog and loving it. I had to comment on this post because I actually laughed out loud at the "ideal 2 year old" speaking Chinese or Japanese or Tawainese or whatever character-ed language. Cheers!

    • 04/18/2012 / 4:39 pm

      Well, hello! And yes, it's another way I'm failing as a parent. Can you believe he doesn't even speak a word of Mandarin?

  4. 08/06/2014 / 12:08 am

    🙂 I want to give you and your son a big hug. Unfortunately, I have a ginormous head… and so does my son. He has to wear big kid hats… and I no longer am able to fit into normal women’s hats. 🙂

    • 08/06/2014 / 12:08 pm

      Can I make fun of you? You can make fun of my giant feet!

  5. 08/06/2014 / 12:03 pm

    LOL You never cease to make me laugh. And, WHAT, no mandarin?! Come ON! That is too funny! There is always SOMETHING to feel like you’re failing at, isn’t there?!

    • 08/06/2014 / 12:07 pm

      Always!!! Our poor, poor children. 🙂 (I actually really want to learn Mandarin myself)

  6. 08/06/2014 / 1:56 pm

    Love this and have just scheduled in to share on my FB page 🙂 We had the 9 month check last week and got referred as my daughter can’t clap her hands yet. The moment the health visitor drove off she turned to me, grinned and clapped her hands. Cheers kid.

    • 08/08/2014 / 8:42 am

      Thanks so much for the share! And that is a pretty awesome story. I’m thinking your daughter has a pretty good sense of humor already. 🙂

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