Make It Go Away

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Lots of bloggers write reviews or feature certain products on their blogs, in order to make cold, hard cash or win prizes! I am positive I would feel like a giant ass if I started reviewing tons of products and tried to sound all chipper about them, like I see on some blogs. But I still like the idea of working with brands, especially if I can be sarcastic while doing so. And only if it’s something I actually use or like.

I read about this opportunity on The Sits Girls site and thought I’d go ahead and jump into the world of product endorsement. I’m like a pro football player that way.

Here’s the writing prompt they gave:

Spending time with friends and family can lead to fun and memorable moments, but also some very messy ones. Tell us about the messiest moments that you’ll always remember!

I try to use natural-type cleaners in my house, but sometimes only things with bleach will do the trick. Christian taught me this important life lesson after our kitchen sinks had been slowly growing darker brown as each few days passed.

He washed the dishes like a boss, then he sprayed some sort of Clorox Clean-Up spray all over the sinks, and 5 minutes later we couldn’t stop holding each other, staring at the bright white sinks and sobbing in gratitude. It was a marriage-saving moment.

In case you are new to the world of bleach, or just lack the drive to ever clean your house, here is a very important list of ways you should NOT use bleach:

1. On your teeth. Go ahead and buy the strips or visit your dentist. Brushing full strength bleach onto your pearly whites will make you vomit profusely, probably out of your nosehole, too.

2. To write messages to your husband on your 50 year old linoleum kitchen floor. This is generally frowned upon, as then you would have to either:

a. bleach the rest of the 50 year old grime away, or

b. replace the floor. So, come to think of it, this might not be such a bad idea.

3. To ‘bleach’ your gnarly lady mustache. Do yourself a favor. Just use a razor on that junk and everyone will be happier, more lovely, and again, no nosehole vomit.

4. To erase a bad memory. Please don’t try to pour bleach into your ear if you have just walked in on your roommate or parents having sex. This won’t work, it’ll spill onto the floor, thus bleaching out an irregular area (see #2), and you’ll just look like a big idiot. The key here is to try to look at as many other disturbing things as you can over the next 24 hours, as this will erase the horrible visual of copulation. I recommend any show with someone named Snooki in it, or even cooked button mushrooms should do the trick.

And here is a professional photograph I have set up because, you know, I’m a professional stylist.

My copy: Clorox Clean-Up. It won’t erase your memory, but it will clean up that nasty poo stain.

Disclaimer:  I received information about Clorox’s Bleach It Away campaign and am sharing my messy moment for the chance to win prizes from The SITS Girls. To learn more about the messy moment program, check out Sharing your story on the Clorox fan page gets you entered for the chance to win $25,000 and daily prizes, and you can grab a coupon for Clorox® Regular Bleach.



  1. 11/29/2011 / 11:43 am

    OMG, I'm going to go buy that stuff because you're so funny!

    • 11/29/2011 / 5:23 pm

      Only buy it if you're a fan of bleach. Bleach is fun.

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