Do The Baking

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Would you like to grow portly this weekend? I’m sure your answer is a resounding yes, so here’s a recipe I just made.

cookies

It’s totally inspired by all that Pinterest nonsense you see- desserts incorporating so many different types of desserts and candy all rolled into one, so when you get to the second bite you feel your belly tugging downward with the weight of so much oil.

I’m fairly certain no one in any other country would make such monstrosities. I had to try it out for myself.

Peanut Butter Cookie Brownie Cups of Pure Vileness

Ingredients:

  • 1 package peanut butter cookie mix. I used Betty Crocker, that saucy old harlot.
  • 1 box Ghirardelli brownie mix
  • All the eggs and oil and water each box calls for
  • 1 package Halloween Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup mini cups (must be Halloween. No other will do.)
  • A flair for adventure and a smidgen of self-loathing

Do it up. Whip up the brownie mix in 1 bowl, and the penis butter cup dough in the other.

Lightly spray a 12 muffin tin with oily mess from a can.

Scoop some brownie goop into each muffin cup, about halfway up. It’s right about now that I like to shake my head over the batter so some lucky hairs will fall in.

Make little slabs of peanut butter dough with your grimy hands, and lay them gently over the brownie puddles. I like to think of these peanut butter slabs as little blankets, protecting the brownie batter. I sing them a lullaby and kiss each one gently before placing them in the oven….

cookie dough

….at 325 degrees and baking them until they are this side of golden brown.

Take ’em out of the oven and use your nasty fingers that you just licked batter off of to poke a peanut butter cup in each top.

candy poker

 

Listen carefully. They make a disgusting and embarrassing noise.

 

Eat them while they’re piping hot! Piping! Scorching!

FAQ: But Jeanette, there is some of each batter leftover! What do I do with it?

Answer: There are many things you can do with it: Stick it in your nose, throw it at your dog, or lump it into a small ramekin and bake it. I chose this last option. I don’t know how it turned out yet, because it’s in the oven.

ramekin cookie

 

Now I have to go take the money shot. Pin this because it’s just like everything else on Pinterest, so it will fit right in:

bake the cookies

 

Tip: Let them cool before you remove them from the pan or they look like this:

crumbles

Are you dying? Did you even see that not all of the brownie cooked, so it’s like a lava brownie. Sweet Jesus.

After you eat one, you will need to take to your bed for a spell.

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7 Comments

  1. about100percent
    09/26/2013 / 7:38 pm

    Holy crap. These look like this would give me a good old fashioned stomachache. AFTER polishing off half the batch, of course. I hate myself just looking at this.

  2. Christian Nyberg
    09/27/2013 / 10:50 pm

    These are even better tasting than I imagined. I just ate two (I know, I know) and now I am going to sleep on the toilet. Worth it.

  3. 09/28/2013 / 12:21 pm

    I would have to pace myself eating one of these.

    I have an idea for the left over batter, you could just toss it in the woods behind your house.

    Love your new name.

    BTW, your typos are atrocious!

  4. A Morning Grouch
    10/23/2013 / 6:31 pm

    effing hilarious. you need to write all the recipes i pin on pinterest. and did i catch "penis" butter mix?? that's a flavor I'm not sure I want in my lava-cake oil soaked indulgence.
    My recent post The 5 Worst Things You Can Say To A Blogger

  5. idenagroban
    11/01/2013 / 6:02 pm

    "penis butter cup dough" sounds not so good, but the pictures look amazing!

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