Patches

In an ambitious effort to overcome my scatterbrained, lazy parenting style, I have challenged myself to a complete parental makeover. That’s such a lie- actually I’m trying to stay on top of one measly thing. I live in fear of being the mom who can’t even get her shit together enough to iron a few patches onto her daughter’s vest for the Brownies cult she’s a member of.

Christian used to safety pin his kid’s patches on- which was totally justifiable if you’re a recently divorced dad. But as a mostly stay at home mom, my days are supposed to be filled with anticipating and fulfilling my children’s every need.

So it is with an exaggerated burst of pride that I present a visual tour of the patches thus far. Let’s begin with the patches earned last Fall and move forward:

Patch number 1: Defacing your first library book

Patch number 2: Spend the night in jail

Patch number 3: Dance on a lung

Patch number 4: Dissect a human cadaver

Patch number 5: Make a urine puddle in the shape of the girl scout insignia

Patch number 6: Acid trip

That pretty much sums it up thus far- I’m so proud of my little Brownie- they grow up so fast.