Because you obviously need more sugar this time of year.
Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t been stuffing Halloween candy into your maw for weeks now.
No matter. Since you’ve been slowly building up your sugar tolerance to infinity, your body will be craving more. Here are some special festive ideas to balance out the mini Kit Kat bingeing with some homemade delights.
Photos courtesy of my favorite site for recipe photos, Allrecipes.
If you sink your teeth into this candy corn bark, and your teeth stay in it, you won’t be able to find them because they’ll become absorbed into the glob. Beware.
Here’s another bark photo so you can see how versatile the recipe is.
Spider cupcakes are huge this time of year, but it helps if you haven’t just slammed 3 Red Bulls before you try to pipe the eyes.
Popcorn balls are classics at Halloween. Candy corn makes an appearance in this recipe, too. I think these look like they would taste like a little bit of heaven.
Probably the most unfortunate dessert idea ever is kitty litter cake. People think this is amusing but it’s vile. I just sprayed vomit all over my candy corn popcorn balls.
I like these dyed sugar cookies, because it’s about all the energy I can muster up to make cutie desserts as well. The frosting of the cookies just proved to be too much for them. But check out when they got fancy with the two-toned jack-o-lantern. Wait a minute. Is that a fucking heart in the midst of the Halloween shapes?
I don’t think I could take a bite out of a candy that looked like an eye, but if I had to choose, I’d pick this over the kitty poo.
Lastly, if spider cupcakes aren’t your thing, maybe bat cupcakes are. Maybe not. Maybe candy bars are your thing. We used to be the house that gave out toothbrushes with our candy because one of my parents’ best friends was an orthodontist and they came over for Halloween every year. I was secretly proud of this, but I’m not sure why.
Also, every year I have about 3 bags of leftover candy because I buy so much because I am terrified of running out. That’s just unacceptable, you know. My mom tried to give out pennies to kids for a couple of years that she ran out of candy and had already given away all of the shitty candy we got that we donated to save her neighborhood cred.
P.S. Did you notice there are only 7 desserts here? I bet you didn’t, because you were sucked in by my awesome title and then forgot to count.