10 Sickly Sweet Halloween Desserts

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Because you obviously need more sugar this time of year.
Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t been stuffing Halloween candy into your maw for weeks now.
No matter. Since you’ve been slowly building up your sugar tolerance to infinity, your body will be craving more. Here are some special festive ideas to balance out the mini Kit Kat bingeing with some homemade delights.
Photos courtesy of my favorite site for recipe photos, Allrecipes.
candy corn bark
If you sink your teeth into this candy corn bark, and your teeth stay in it, you won’t be able to find them because they’ll become absorbed into the glob. Beware.
ccbark
Here’s another bark photo so you can see how versatile the recipe is.
spider cupcakes
Spider cupcakes are huge this time of year, but it helps if you haven’t just slammed 3 Red Bulls before you try to pipe the eyes.
popcorn ball
Popcorn balls are classics at Halloween. Candy corn makes an appearance in this recipe, too. I think these look like they would taste like a little bit of heaven.
kitty litter cake
Probably the most unfortunate dessert idea ever is kitty litter cake. People think this is amusing but it’s vile. I just sprayed vomit all over my candy corn popcorn balls.
sugar cookies
I like these dyed sugar cookies, because it’s about all the energy I can muster up to make cutie desserts as well. The frosting of the cookies just proved to be too much for them. But check out when they got fancy with the two-toned jack-o-lantern. Wait a minute. Is that a fucking heart in the midst of the Halloween shapes?
eye candy
I don’t think I could take a bite out of a candy that looked like an eye, but if I had to choose, I’d pick this over the kitty poo.
bat cupcakes
Lastly, if spider cupcakes aren’t your thing, maybe bat cupcakes are. Maybe not. Maybe candy bars are your thing. We used to be the house that gave out toothbrushes with our candy because one of my parents’ best friends was an orthodontist and they came over for Halloween every year. I was secretly proud of this, but I’m not sure why.
Also, every year I have about 3 bags of leftover candy because I buy so much because I am terrified of running out. That’s just unacceptable, you know. My mom tried to give out pennies to kids for a couple of years that she ran out of candy and had already given away all of the shitty candy we got that we donated to save her neighborhood cred.
P.S. Did you notice there are only 7 desserts here? I bet you didn’t, because you were sucked in by my awesome title and then forgot to count.
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16 Comments

  1. 10/25/2012 / 10:01 am

    How did you comment so fast? I just posted this. Since you commented so fast, do you want me to make you some popcorn balls?

  2. 10/25/2012 / 3:05 pm

    Oh, god. The kitty litter cake made me actually lol. So it's not just a gratuitous lol, like so many on the internet are. A real lol, I tell you!

  3. 10/25/2012 / 5:33 pm

    You know, I've actually seen this cake before and it never fails to make me insanely ragey. But anyway, thanks for the genuine lol; I'm flattered. GLOL!

  4. Sophia Hampton
    10/26/2012 / 6:21 am

    It is so not fair to show us pictures like this when we can’t eat them off of the computer!! 🙂

    All very creative!!!

  5. 10/26/2012 / 7:31 am

    How did that conversation go?
    "Hey let's make a cake! But not in a regular pan… too traditional."
    "What else could we use?"
    "Hey did you empty the cat tray yet? Wait a minute…. that gives me an idea!"

    And yes, you got me. I didn't notice there were only 7 until I read all the way to the end. Your writing mesmerizes me!

  6. 10/27/2012 / 3:10 am

    Ugh, my old roommate made that kitty litter cake one year for an office party. I think it may have been the most disgusting looking thing I've ever seen. I LOVE deserts and could barely bring myself to eat more than a bite. The leftovers just sat in the refrigerator until they got tossed. So gross…LOL

  7. 10/27/2012 / 4:31 am

    Yuck! These are sad and the litter box IS vile!

  8. 10/27/2012 / 4:32 am

    Really sweet things actually make my teeth hurt but these look great for Halloween parties. I just wouldn't be able to partake!

  9. 10/27/2012 / 9:15 am

    I totally got a sugar rush just reading this post. And then I lost it when I saw the kitty poo. And then I got another one for the eyeball. Mmmm… tasty eyeball…

  10. 10/27/2012 / 12:45 pm

    Yeah- I can't help but think that some people out there use their used litter trays after Fluffy passes away.

  11. 10/27/2012 / 12:51 pm

    Are you one of those people who prefers salty things over desserts? Desserts are my downfall. But I still wouldn't touch the poo.

  12. 10/27/2012 / 12:51 pm

    That's a crazy journey. I agree though, mmmmmm.

  13. 10/27/2012 / 12:53 pm

    You could try. I've been guilty of licking my computer screen in the past.

  14. 10/27/2012 / 12:53 pm

    That's hilarious. Did it slowly get shoved to the back of the fridge until it molded?

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